Eleventh dubiosity:
My parents and my husband stop me from committing myself
First:
The basic concept here is that obeying Allah has priority over obeying any other human being whoever he might be. Next, parents have the right of obedience immediately after Allah, the All-High and Almighty, unless they order their children to perform an act of disobedience.
Second:
Disobeying the (legal) guardian in order to obey Allah is considered as direct invitation to the guardian, and as such is one of the acts that gets the slave nearer to Allah.
Third:
In most cases the guardian, whether a parent or a husband, will ultimately yield to the will of the person whom he is responsible for, especially when he sees the latter’s persistence. Following are some Fatwa – Islamic rulings, concerning this subject:
The first question is answered by Shaykh Ibn Baz:
Q: What is the ruling on a woman who disobeys her mother when the mother is requesting an act that is a direct disobedience towards Allah, the All-High? For example the mother is requesting her daughter to uncover her modesty – i.e., unveil herself, and display her make-up and beauty. Moreover the mother is claiming that wearing dresses which cover modesty is a myth which has no place in the practical reality of Islam! She also requests her daughter to attend mixed parties, and she gets very upset when she sees her daughter covered in accordance with the Shari’ah dress code.
A: You don’t obey a creature whether he is a father, mother or otherwise, when he/she is ordering an act of disobedience. It has been narrated in the authentic hadith, that the Prophet (Blessings and peace be upon him) said:
إنّما الطاعة في المعروف .
“Verily obedience is in all Just matters only.”
It has also been narrated in authentic hadith that the Prophet (bpuh) said:
لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق.
“Obedience is not to be observed towards a creature in any act involving the disobedience of the Creator.”
The matters which the mother of the questioning woman is requesting her daughter to perform are acts of disobedience towards Allah. Therefore she (the mother) is not to be obeyed, in what she is requesting her daughter to do.
The second question was answered by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen.
Q: The top authorities in my Muslim home town have ordered all women to take off the clothes which confirm to the Islamic code of dress especially the head cover. Should I obey such an order, knowing that any woman who disobeys this order risks imprisonment, or at least she will be fired from her job?
A: What is happening in your home town is part of the trials that Allah, the All-High, tests His slaves with:
( الـم ، أحسب الناس أن يتركوا أن يقولوا آمنَّا وهم لا يُفتنون ، ولقد فتنّا الذين من قبلهم فليعلمن الله الذين صدقوا وليعلمن الكاذبين ) سورة العنكبوت : 29 : 1-3
( Alif. Lam. Meem. Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, ‘we believe’, and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and
Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false. )
Therefore, in my opinion, the Muslim women who live in that country have to disobey the ruler’s authority in this heinous order. My reasoning is that
obeying the legal guardian in an heinous order is forbidden by Allah, the All-High. He said:
( يا أيّها الذين آمنوا أطيعوا الله وأطيعوا الرسول وأولي الأمر منكم ... ) سورة النساء : 59:4
(O you who believe! Obey Allah, and obey the Messenger, and those charged with authority among you..) Qur’an 4:59
If you contemplate this verse you would see that Allah has repeated the word obey twice; once while commanding the obedience of Allah, and the second time while advising the obedience of His apostle. He did not repeat this order for the third time when mentioning those “charged with authority”. This indicates that obedience of the legal guardians (Men/women with authority), should be linked to the obedience of Allah and His Messenger. From this follows that if the orders of men/women with authority are contradictory to the orders of Allah and His Messenger, then they forfeit their right of obedience from their subjects. And remember, the renowned hadith of the last Prophet (Blessings and peace be upon him),
لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق
“Obedience is not to be observed towards a creature in any act involving the disobedience of the Creator.”
Under such testing circumstances, women are ordered to be patient and ask Allah to give them strength to face the injustice that befalls them from their legal guardians. We pray to Allah to guide their guardians to the right path.
I don’t think that enforcing this order takes effect unless women leave their homes. So women could stay at home in order to survive such an ordeal. If study or schooling leads to disobedience of Allah, then it is forbidden. Under such circumstances women should study the necessary sciences which they need for their life and the Hereafter. It is possible to teach women these sciences at home in most of the cases. To summarize, it is never allowed to obey
guardians if they order or request abominable deeds. *
The third question was also answered by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen:
Q: A married man with children disapproves of his wife who wants to wear her clothes according to the Islamic dress code. What is your advice to him, may Allah bless you.
A: We advice him to fear Allah, the Almighty, in his family, and to thank Him for granting him such a wife who wants to observe Allah’s orders in the dress code. Obeying this order is sufficient to save her from the ordeals of trails. Moreover, Allah has ordered His slaves to protect themselves and their families from the fires of Hell. He said:
( يا أيها الذين ءامنوا قُوا أنفسكم وأهليكم ناراً وقودها الناس والحجارة عليها ملائكة غلاظ شداد لا يعصون الله ما أمرهم ويفعلون ما يؤمرون ) سورة التحريم : 6:66
(O’ you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are appointed angles stern [and] severe, who flinch not [from executing] the Commands they receive from Allah, but do precisely what they are commanded). Qur’an 66:6
Also the Prophet (Blessing and peace be upon him) has put the responsibility of the family on the shoulders of the man of the house, he (bpuh) said:
الرجل راع في أهله ومسؤول عن رعيّته .
“Man is the shepherd in his family, and he is responsible for his flock.”
So how could such a man try to force his wife to leave the Shari’ah dress in favour of a forbidden one? How could a husband accept to be the source of trials towards his wife? He should fear Allah in his dealings with his family, and thank Him for His favours in granting such a good wife.
As for the wife, she could never be permitted to obey her husband in his orders to disobey Allah, because obedience is not to be observed towards
a creature in any act involving the disobedience of the Creator.**
To sum up: You have here the rule of Shari’ah as clarified by our learned Ulama- scholars, however you have to be wise in refusing to obey your guardian if he orders you to display your beauty and make-up to others – non-Mahram, and to refrain from wearing Shari’ah dress. Wisdom required the following:
1.You have to be polite in arguing and explaining your beliefs and attitudes, without raising your voice or using words which upsets the guardian.
2.You must tolerate the abuses and ridicule by the guardian with patience, and refrain from talking back to your guardian.
3.You must request help first from Allah, then from your relatives who have chosen to follow the path of Allah.
4.Requesting the help of Allah is to pray and supplicate to Him, and ask His assistance to help you stay firm on your stand, and to alleviate the pressure. Reciting the Holy Qur’an helps a great deal, especially when faced with bad names, ridicule and insults.
5.Do not try to discuss or display your beliefs from a superior point of view, or using the instructor’s method. You should rather offer your beliefs as a student who is seeking knowledge and information, and from the point of view of the person who is worried about the other person. That is especially true when dealing with your parents; in general, parents do not like to be treated in a superior way by their children.
6.Answer a bad deed with a good one, and always honour your parents.
7.Try to choose the proper time to talk to them openly about your plans.
8.Dearest sister, you should know that Paradise is very precious. Like all precious things you do not get it unless you work hard, toil, and bear all kinds of hardship to attain it. It is well to remember the authentic hadith:
من التمس رضا الله بسخط الناس كفاه الله مؤنة الناس ،
ومن التمس رضا الناس بسخط الله وكله الله إلى الناس .
“The one who looks for the pleasure of Allah, through the wrath of people, Allah will spare him/her the effort to fend people away, while the one who looks for the pleasure of people through the wrath of Allah, Allah will leave him/her to the people.” ***
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Fatawa of Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, vol. 3,Pp. 870,871.*
The Fatawa of Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, vol. 2, p. 873**
Tirmidhi, authenticated as saheeh hadith by Shaykh al-Albani.***